Thursday, November 02, 2006
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took 3 hrs to freaking type this. sucks. i'll just post thii anyway caz i love it.
pls download this song while reading.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wn5uz5--
--I'm not the type to share. But if you're interested, you will find below my love story.
A story without much tears. --
Jae Won and I started as friends. I don't remember how we got to know each other, how we became close. Sooner than I expected, I began to like him, more than a friend should. But Jae Won never revealed how he felt towards me. I dropped him hints, but he did not take any initiative. So I waited, knowing one day, he would reciprocate my feelings.
Funny, how dramatic life could be.
Appa signed me up for the design course in England and I was accepted.
Could I say no? It was an express ticket to fulfilling my dream. A lonely one too.
I didn't know how to tell my friends about it. In fact, it was only two days before my actual departure when I finally broke the news to them. I took a glance at Jae Won, he didn't say anything, didn't do anything but just stare far away. He was probably wondering how far away England could be.
Bye Bye Korea…to far far England.
That was the only thing I thought as I dragged my luggage into the pickup truck my cousin, Junsu borrowed.
“Sit behind, and enjoy Korea’s sunshine. You'll miss that while in England.” He pretended to wipe a fake tear off his face.
Junsu took a slow drive through the streets for me. I'll miss more than just the sunshine. The ahjumma deul selling kimchi, soba, bbq meat. Appa, Junsu, my friends, this pick up truck…and Jae Won.
Was it think of the devil? Cause I saw Jae Won running from afar to catch up the truck. I don't know why, I didn't feel like asking Junsu to stop the truck. I just stood up from the back of the truck and wondered what to do. He sprinted his way close and called out to me.
“YAH. Are you just leaving like this?” he shout in between breathes.
“Faster.” I instructed Junsu and ignored Jae Won.
“YAH. KWON MI-JOO. YAH.”
“Go away Jae Won. Don't make me cry in front of you.” I bit my bottom lip.
He stopped in his tracks and I turned my back towards him.
Goodbye Jae Won, goodbye.
“KWON MI-JOO. I LIKE YOU. A LOT MORE THAN U THINK. DON’T JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT.”
What a sudden turn in my life. Anyway, to cut the story short, we started our long distance relationship. After a year of sweet exchanges on the phone, things started to change. I don't know what happened; Jae Won and I just didn't seem to have much to say to each other as the past. Our phone conversations were often filled up by silent awkwardness. Soon, the long conversations were cut short. And then, we just don't call each other anymore. I was busy and tired with my studies, he too. Our relationship ceased just like this. No words were needed; we clearly knew it was over.
3 years later. I finally finished my course. While packing my luggage, I found a picture of Jae Won. Had he been forgotten the past few years? I wasn't sure, but looking at the photo brings back sweet memories and I picked up the phone to call him.
The phone rang for a couple of times before somebody picked up.
“Sorry, is Jae Won in?” I asked. The person on the other line burst into cries once I said that.
It was then; I realized the truth about Jae Won. The reason why he didn't tell me about his life during phone conversations was because his days were spent in check up rooms and hospital wards. Like in a typical drama series, a year after I left, he contracted some terminal disease.
And he just left me without saying goodbye. Without saying anything at all.
The minute my flight touched down Korea, I headed towards Jae Won's graveyard. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the picture on the grave. It was my favorite picture of him. That period of time, he had his two front teeth missing as he got into a fight with some stupid guys at the arcade who were teasing me. Jae Won, thinking he's the best looking dude in Korea, thought his new look was cool and decided to start a trend by taking pictures of himself.
I sat myself next to the grave and started to fill Jae Won in on my past 3 years. He missed out so much, I missed out so much. I talked like I never talked before, trying hard not to miss out any small but significant things.
As if talking isnt enough. I started to write out fragments of our memories on pieces of paper. The happy times we had together. The fun times when we got into trouble. The silly things he did to cheer me up. The efforts I made to see him smile or compliment me. Including this…
I folded each piece of paper into a origami aero planes. Throwing them into the air, I'm hoping the wind would whisper those words to him. My mixed emotions of regrets, hate, love and despair.
But honestly, the only words that need to get to him are:
I am missing you a lot right now.
--the part of you I'll never know. --
heartBEAT_;<33'.